API changes make me rethink membership
I’ve been a member of a local API Group - that’s Attachment Parenting International - for the last few years. We have fabulous leaders that are committed to supporting parents in their goal to be more attached to their children. API has always been guided by 8 “Principles” which were inspired by Dr. Williams Sear’s list of the “7 Baby B’s” which included breastfeeding and bedsharing.
Here are the original 8 Principles that API used when I joined a few years ago:
- Prepare for childbirth
- Breastfeed your baby
- Wear your baby
- Share sleep with your baby
- Use gentle discipline
- Minimize separations
- Be emotionally responsive
- Maintain family balance
I have just been notified that API has now changed their 8 Principles of Attachment Parenting to this:
- Prapare for pregnancy, birth and parenting
- Feed with love and respect
- Respond with sensitivity
- Use nurturing touch
- Engage in nighttime parenting
- Provide consistant and loving care
- Practice positive discipline
- Strive for balance in personal and family life
What a load of bullshit! The principle that upsets me the most is number 2 - they removed breastfeeding! What are they thinking?! I’ll tell you what they are probably thinking…they are trying not to offend the dominent culture of idiot parents that think breastfeeding is just not that important. Worse, they have taken out all references to practices that most Attachment Parents hold dear - babywearing, bedsharing, and limited separations. API has removed the ideals in favor of the wishy-washy feel-good bullshit that mainstream parents feel is “adequate” parenting.
Is this the worst thing that could happen to API? I do believe so. Without keeping a firm focus on the ideals of attachment parenting, parents, especially new parents, will have nothing to strive for. It’s all good and well to “feed with love and respect”, but if you are not breastfeeding, you are seriously falling short of great parenting. Now, I understand there are special situations that rarely occur when breastfeeding can’t happen (perhaps adoption, or a very serious medical issue). Those circumstances don’t change the fact that breastfeeding is the ideal. Parents need to be brave enough to look those ideals in the face and then deal with the fact that we sometimes fall short. Most women end up not breastfeeding in the US because they have made a different “feeding choice” or because they did not get adequate breastfeeding support or information. Again, this does not change the ideal that all babies should be breastfed. It is the very first, and one of the most important, early attachment processes for mother and infant. API is seriously failing as an Attachment Parenting organization if they fail to make this clear to new parents.
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on Friday, May 18th, 2007 at 9:33 am and is filed under attachment parenting, breastfeeding, parenting.
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Hi..cruising the goodblogs here…just playing devils advocate for a second…by not emphasizing the bf’ing you may get NEW members who are NEW moms who perhaps need help and encouragement…what about the moms who don’t breastfeed but still consider themselves Attached parents?
Maybe by bringing these people into the fold so to speak you guys can educate and help those who have either been afraid to bf or had poor experiences with it.
I sucked a bfing….between ppd and just not ‘getting’ it…as much as I tried….I gave up.
But was probably still and still am an attached parent just by the REST of my parenting philosophy.
People like me come to API to get support because society in general does not support attachment parenting. There are a million other organizations that could offer support to these parents that you are talking about. Organizations that value “feeding with love and respect” over breastfeeding. I’m not inteested in being a part of one of those organizations because they just mirror the mainstream culture that is constantly telling us that formula is just fine, just as good as breastmilk, etc.
What people that don’t breastfeed often miss is that breastfeeding is more than just a feeding method. It is way of life, of parenting, of connecting to newborns, and of constanting reaffirming that attachment. When you phrase the principle as “feed with love and respect”, you basically put all the emphasis on love and respect while you push breastfeeding into the realm of “just another feeding choice. Fuck that. All sorts of people claim that they love and respect their kids, but that doesn’t mean their actions necessarily honor their children’s attachment needs.
Sure, I’d like to help other women to understand how important things like breastfeeding and cosleeping are. I just don’t think leaving it out of the principles and trying to slip it in here and there is the way to do it. Now, I’ve been to API meetings where some of the attendees didn’t breastfeed. No one was shunned at the meetings. But there was always an understanding in the group about the importance of breastfeeding.
I’m a big advocate of breastfeeding…just a thought, though: maybe they are considering the fact that adoptive mothers, mothers who need to be on a medication that could harm a bfeeding child, and others who for whatever reason truly cannot bfeed, can still practice attachment parenting.
Breast IS best…but we just never know another’s circumstances.
Just found your blog from my “TheGoodBlogs” widget and I enjoyed reading.
I doubt very much that they are trying to appeal to the extremely few mothers that trully cannot breastfeed. There are alternative medications that can be used for *almost all* medical issues that a nursing mother can encounter. There are only a very very few medical issues that prevent a mother from breastfeeding. And while it is not for everyone, it is actually possible for an adoptive mother to breastfeed also. So I don’t really buy the idea that API is afraid that something like less than 1% of mothers who have a legitimate problem with not feel included.
Using La Leche League as an example - in our local group, we have an adoptive mother that attends and formula feeds her child. Even though LLL is VERY clear on their nursing views, this woman is not made to feel bad at all. She knows breastfeeding is best, wants to be a part of the other things that LLL stands for, and is welcomed into the group with open arms. She has come to terms with her special situation. I don’t see LLL changing their stance on breastfeeding though.
Let’s ignore breastfeeding for a moment. Why has API removed co-sleeping that babywearing from their principles also? Have those items suddenly been found to not impact attachment? Of course not. But yet, API has removed them. Are we changing the definition of Attachment Parenting? Should we now call all the mainstream, formula-feeding, stroller-using, CIO parents attachment parents simply because they love their kids and mean well?
I’m with you; I think the changes suck. And not in a good way, like in breastfeeding ;-
Now I’m glad there isn’t an API near me. I don’t know if I could hold back the rant that would be brewing inside me. Unfortunately a lot of AP groups/site/message boards are turning more and more mainstream. It is a depressing trend.