Here’s a new search that came up on my stats page yesterday:

“How many duck eggs is it safe to eat per day?”

For anyone looking that one up, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Duck eggs, in large quantities, can actually cause insanity. I’m definately not joking here. Remember when I shucked my hand? Yes, duck eggs were to blame. Arp had made me some scrambled eggs that very morning, and it evidently caused me to hurt myself. When Arp ingests too many duck eggs, he starts writing wacky poetry, or he tries to read his fortune in monkey poop. I’ve been known to start imagining wild scenarios about famous chefs just dropping in for a visit. What is to blame? Again, too many duck eggs.

Of course, like any drug, duck eggs can be fun to manipulate in your system. Try down a few, raw, just before sex. I can guarantee that the experience will be like none you have yet had. Considering how crazy I normally feel when I attend a mainstream parenting meeting, ingesting a few ducks eggs beforehand actually helps! I can actually imagine myself, just for a few hours, as one of the crowd. Send my kid to school? Sure! Make him do homework? Sure! What is great about duck eggs is that the craziness goes away in just a few hours, and you are back to normal.

So watch out folks! This is what eating too many duck eggs can do: