Yes, We have a midwife already lined up in CR, not too far from Atenas. I have also already hired a wonderful doula. Both my kids, but especially M, are looking forward to being there to see the birth this time. It should be exciting!

You know, as much as I *want* my births to be perfect, I don’t really expect it. Aside from the complaints I have about my two previous births, I really cherish the memory of them. And each was a wonderful learning experience. I learned so much about myself, and how strong I am capable of being. What I really hope for in this next birth is not *perfection* (whatever that might be), but the ability to know that I did my best and was basically in control of the decisions in the end. I don’t want to feel coerced by insurance issues or by someone else’s ideas of what the best decision is in any situation. I want to feel that I have the ability to make educated decisions myself and to follow my own intuition.

I enjoyed the presence of my female nurses during both my births far more than the male doctors’ presence. In retrospect, I would have liked a female OB-GYN but in reality, they really treat you as a number whereas the nurses tend to bond with you, at least this was my experience, especially with the motherly one I had for my second child. She had to hold me down during transition as I was shaking so violently and I think, at that moment, she was the only person I could have stood. Even my poor husband was victimized by me, just like in the movies. I would even have liked a doula. Just some form of female support. I think we all have regrets to some degree, or most of us maybe. We want everything to be perfect.

That’s very helpful info for someone perhaps considering a midwife. I had back labor both times. I like to be near an anesthesiologist if at all possible, lol. Birthing centers even scare me. I know with my second, I thought I’d pass out (as my grandma did) or my body was going to rip apart and I was shaking too violently. Frankly, I never trusted my own body. But then I wonder, if I had had better psychological preparation and support then maybe I wouldn’t have freaked out completely during transition and demanded an epidural.

I try not to look back too much. Both my births were far from ideal. I imagine support is a big part of it, but also overcoming fears and reservations.

Have you found a midwife yet? Do you suppose there are any in Atenas?