Nursing in Public as an Immigrant
Welcome Carnival of Breastfeeding readers! This month we are writing about Nursing in Public. Please read more of the posts, found at the bottom of this post. More links will be added through Monday
Whenever I nursed my first two children in public, in the United States, I was almost always confident and sure of myself. I never used a cover-up, and I nursed just about everywhere I went. Restaurants, stores, parks, museums. Sure, in the first few months of nursing my first child, public nursing made me a little nervous. But once I got some practice, there were no worries. But here is the important point: the United States is my home country.
Nursing in public changed entirely for me once I arrived in Costa Rica. My family and I are immigrants here. Although my newest child, born in Costa Rica one month ago, is a Costa Rica citizen, my family and I are still somewhat like strangers in the culture. We may be in the process of achieving residency here, but we haven’t exactly become natives. There is so much that is unfamiliar to us here, including the language. Although my goal is to become fluent in Spanish, learning has been a lot slower than I’d like simply because I’m a really busy mother. Sometimes when I walk around town, I have no idea what the people around me are saying.
You might be wondering what all this might have to do with breastfeeding. Well, ever since coming to Costa Rica, I’ve been really stressed about nursing in public. It’s not because Costa Rica has any laws preventing public breastfeeding. It’s also not due to Costa Rican breastfeeding culture. I mean, Costa Rica is a country that really values motherhood, fatherhood, and family life. Heck, I’ve seen teenagers here walking down the street and happily holding hands with their parents or grandparents. The reason I’m suddenly uncomfortable has a lot to do with my own sense of cultural awareness, or lack of it.
You see, in the United States, I knew that if anyone ever confronted me in public about breastfeeding in public, I would be armed with information about the law which I could share with the offended person. Or I could just tell them off. Here in Costa Rica, it’s not so easy for me. Not only am I not that familiar with the laws, but I would be unable to explain myself in Spanish if I were ever confronted. This really stresses me out.
I also sometimes have trouble reading the cultural signals. For instance, when my family and I were sitting in a park one day, an older woman once gave me and my husband some very negative looks. We had no idea why she was looking at us this way. Was it because my kids were climbing on the metal fence at the park? Was it because I was wearing shorts (in some instances, shorts are not socially acceptable for adults here). Was it my nose-ring? Or maybe the woman was just having a bad day?
In a public breastfeeding situation, I fear that I won’t be able to read the signals that people are giving me. For instance, are the men who avert their eyes from breastfeeding just being polite, or are they horrified to see a woman with her breasts out in public? Am I expected to using a nursing cover-up, or can I just lift my shirt with no problem? Will people be uncomfortable if I nurse my four-year-old? And what about nursing in restaurants and other public places? Will breastfeeding be OK everywhere?
Just the other day, I nursed my four-year-old for the first time in front of our maid, Olga. Even though I was nursing in my own house, I was a little nervous about what her reaction would be. Would she be shocked or embarrassed? Would it be a source of discomfort for us on the days when she was cleaning our house? When I nursed J, Olga luckily smiled right away and put me at ease. That made me feel so much better. But a few minutes later, she asked me something in Spanish about it. I didn’t understand much of what she said, but I got the feeling that she was asking me if it was OK to nurse both children in tandem. She ended her questions by saying, “es bueno?” So I said, “Si! Es bueno.” But I wish I had a better handle on the language so that I could have understood what her concern was, and so that I could have explained myself better (such as, “Yes, I have plenty of milk” or “Yes, I don’t mind nursing both of my children”, etc.). But lack of language skills prevented me from doing that.
On the other hand, maybe part of the reason I’m so stressed about nursing in public here in Costa Rica has more to do with my experiences in my home country than my new country. Even though I’ve never actually had anyone harass me for nursing, the stories I’d hear on the news coming from the US make it clear that there is much legal and social work to be done before all US women can fearlessly nurse in public. Regardless of our legal rights, there are occasional incidents where women are harassed in the US. In this new country of mine, it’s hard to put aside my history of living in the United States. My friend W, a LLL leader here in Costa Rica, tells me she has never heard of anyone being harassed during public breastfeeding here. But still, I worry.
As a volunteer who supported mothers in their efforts to breastfeed in the United States, I admit that I really didn’t even think much about the immigrant breastfeeding mother. Most of the mothers that I helped were US citizens, just like me. But now that I’ve put myself in this entirely new culture and country, I wonder more about how putting a woman in an unfamiliar situation affects her willingness to breastfeed, whenever and wherever. After all, many of us would be more able to be brave on our own turf than in a strange place. I’m wondering how I can better support the immigrant mother in her breastfeeding efforts. Definitely something to think about.
More posts from the Carnival of Breastfeeding on nursing in public:
- Grudgemom: Nursing in a room full of people you know
- Lucy and Ethel Have a Baby: Nursing in Public (Boobs) Out and Proud
- PhD in Parenting: Would you, could you nurse in public?
- Dirty Diaper Laundry: Breastfeeding in Public – Talents – I haz it
- Kim through the looking glass: Here? At the restaurant?
- MumUnplugged: Aww, is he sleeping?
- Massachusetts Friends of Midwives: Nursing in Public: Chinatown, the Subway, the Vatican, and More
- Mother Mary’s Soapbox: June Carnival: Breastfeeding in Public
- Mommy News & Views Blog: Breastfeeding in Public
- Breastfeeding 1-2-3: To Cover or Not to Cover
- Stork Stories: Little Old Men…& Nursing in Public
- Chronicles of a Nursing Mom: Why Worry About NIP?
- Warm Hearts Happy Family: Breastfeeding and the Summertime
- Blacktating: Thank You For Nursing in Public
- Musings on Mamahood: NIP, no tuck
- Motherwear’s Breastfeeding Blog: Get kicked off a bus for nursing in public? Here’s how to respond.
- Mama Knows Breast: Adventures in Breastfeeding: Products That Can Help You Breastfeed in Public
- BabyREADY: A wee NIP in the park!!
- Tales of life with a girl on the go: Planes, trains and automobiles – we’ve breastfed in them all
- Breastfeeding Moms Unite!: Nursing in Public: A Fresh Perspective on Nurse-Ins
- Never a Dull Moment…: Breastfeeding Hats? YES! Nursing Covers? Uh… Not So Much
- Breastfeeding Mums: Nursing in Public – What’s a Breastfeeding Mother to Do!!
- Hobo Mama: Easy, discreet way to breastfeed a toddler in public
This is an aspect of breastfeeding that I’ve never thought about. I am a Canadian living in Canada, and I’ve never really given nursing in public a second thought. However, the few instances where I’ve felt uncomfortable have involved cultural issues. For instance, I am more nervous nursing around older people who are immigrants themselves. It definitely adds a different dimension.
So I can totally understand where you’re coming from. I hope that as you become more comfortable in your new home and improve your Spanish that you find it easier to breastfeed whenever and wherever you are.
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I found this post fascinating – thank you for sharing.
I am an American citizen, and as a nursing mother I have lived in the UK, Egypt, and now Australia, as well as visiting Italy and Cyprus. By far the most negative reactions (and actually the only negative reactions) to breastfeeding in public I have experienced have been in the US.
Based on my time in Egypt (with a language barrier), I would suggest that your maid is a good source of information about how locals might react to you breastfeeding in public (or shorts or nose-ring, etc). You could use a Spanish/English dictionary or internet translator to try to communicate with Olga on this topic since it will help you feel much more at home to know what others are (probably) thinking when you’re out and about.
But above all, if you are confident and discreet (which is probably defined a bit differently for every breastfeeding mama), you’ll soon find yourself nursing without being self-conscious and likely most others won’t even know what you’re up to. I found that when I was self-conscious or nervous it seemed to send out a look-at-me vibe, which was just what I didn’t want.
I think the point of this post is wonderful, to think about how we can encourage others not from our culture when it comes to breastfeeding in public. Lots of people in Australia do that for me – so many beaming faces – and I really appreciate it.
I’m a Canadian. I lived in Costa Rica in 1991. My third child was eight weeks old when we moved. I never had a negative experience nursing, and I never worried about it. I have never lived in a more baby-friendly culture. They thought I was crazy because I “underdressed” my baby (diaper and onesie in 80F heat seemed fine to me
) but they were indulgent, perhaps because I was so obviously a foreigner. Or because of the adorableness of my son – “que lindo!” was the first phrase I learned in Spanish!
I don’t think they had laws protecting breastfeeding rights in North America back then. I’m really sad that we’ve needed to institute such laws, but glad that we have them, where they exist. And I’ll tell you that, in 5.5 years of breastfeeding in public between 1985 and 1993, I was only ever given a hard time once – in a restaurant in New York City.
I think it’s incredibly instructive to think about what it’s like to be in an unfamiliar culture (and in fact I insisted on waiting to move until my son was born because I didn’t want to give birth in an unfamiliar culture where I did not speak the language) and I will respect local customs when it comes to things like standards of dress, but I would never let it stop me from feeding my child when s/he needs to be fed. As breastfeeding advocates we need to make sure that newcomer moms feel supported in caring for their children in the ways that feel right to them (unless there’s a serious safely issue, I suppose).
I’m really happy to have found your blog. I think it’s going to bring back lots of memories.
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The cool part Trish is that I cannot imagine anyone saying a thing. All I experienced was the constant “Que Lindo” and patting his head WHILE I was nursing. Even the men seem very comfortable with it and I never got a second glance. I love that aspect to living here:) Great post by the way, I love the honestly and emotion that comes through in your writing!
Thanks for reassuring me, Mary. The thing is, I know you are right on an intellectual level – most likely, no one will say a word. But emotionally, I’m still a stranger in a strange land, if you know what I mean!
When you hold a baby in Costa Rica, isn’t it funny how many “que lindo’s” you can hear in one day?! I’ll have to count them sometime.
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I can only imagine how you are feeling. It does really sound like an emotional issue more than an intellectual one. It sounds like breastfeeding is well supported in Costa Rica and you can likely rest easy on that one but if you were a breastfeeding volunteer and advocate in the USA and spoke easily on the subject with others, it must be frustrating for you to want to talk about it more and have no outlet to do so. I would try to go to a LLL meeting there if only to surround yourself with other breatfeeding mamas to feel more at home. And eventually you will grasp the language. Thank you for such a thought-provoking post!
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Trisha, this is a very interesting perspective on nursing in public, and one that we’re not used to facing. I have to admit I’m curious about Costa Rica. We actually went there for our honeymoon, and I loved it there. If we had the opportunity, I would love to move there. And if that were to happen, I would gladly come sit beside you and we could nurse in public together!
I look forward to reading more of your blog!
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Trisha
Your post was really interesting and something I had never considered. Long before my son was even a twinkle in my eye, I lived in Spain for a year and I know how much the language barrier can affect every aspect of your daily life; it takes a long while before you feel comfortable and accepted. It wasn’t until I made some Spanish friends that I began to grow in confidence when I was going about my daily business and I suspect you will find the same with breastfeeding and life in general! You have a live-in teacher in Olga, I would make the most of that opportunity to learn in the comfort of your own home. When you’re feeling a bit braver, maybe you could find a mum and baby group near you? Truly the best way to pick up another language is to immerse yourself in it – scary but it works!
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it’s interesting to read how nursing in public is accepted in different countries and cultures. in my own country, i haven’t had a problem nursing in public and have seen moms in the parks, streets or using public transportation while nursing their babies
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You need a Share button! I just tried to digg and Stumble you but there is no button!
Fascinating perspective! I’ve travelled lots with my nurslings – I never thought of it until just now, but it definitely did affect me. As a Canadian in breastfeeding ‘circles’, we hear a lot about the climate in the US and I was very nervous when travelling with my first. Even though language wasn’t an issue, there is still a sense of different expectations – no one wants to get “in trouble” in a foriegn country. When we travelled to Mexico, I felt fairly comfortable having worked there over the years, though a colleague’s “You can breastfeed anywhere, no one will say anything, but no Mexican woman ‘like you’ ever would”. And it did seem to be true – though we saw lots of mothers not “like me” over the trips in markets and public spaces nurse and wear their babies – which kind of made me realize that I was actually like them.
I just dugg this! I just love reading posts on subjects that come from such a new angle.
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I nursed my first born for 4.5 years and my second for 2. After I got over my shyness, I found the Costa Rica culture just fine with it.
(Oh and about the mop – the thing is I can’t stand touching that wet thing with thehole in it!!) I’ve got series issues on this!)
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My mother-in-law is an upper-class Costa Rican and she definitely did not “get” why I was breastfeeding my baby when there was formula to do the job for you. We spent long winters in Costa Rica during both my daughters infancies. I breastfeed my infant in a fancy restaurant in front of my in-laws and no one batted an eye. In retrospect I am sort of surprised I did that being a shy person, but I believe that all that stuff goes out the window when you breastfeed and your body chemistry is such that certain inhibitions are lessened. I was also not in sexy mode. Perhaps now that I am done breastfeeding I am back to seeing my breasts solely as sexual objects, especially when I am in Costa Rica which is a country quite openly obsessed with the female physique. At the same time, I felt I got a lot of respect for breastfeeding there. I think it’s a dying art amongst younger generations of mothers. The campesinos are far more likely to breastfeed though I have yet to see any doing extended breastfeeding. It seems once the child is old enough to drink that heinous boxed Dos Pinos milk, they switch over to that.
I have to admit I never showed much of my breast while I publicly breastfed there. I can see where some would get uncomfortable and I chalk that up to the sex-obsessed culture over there. Otoh, we are relatively puritanical as a culture here in the States, or so I constantly hear from foreigners, and still have a long ways to go wrt to acceptance of NIP. I would have to say Ticos are more tolerant of it than Americans. My husband said he always saw women breastfeeding in Costa Rica growing up. Perhaps time are changing there. Perhaps people could use a reminder of what breasts are really for. The older generations probably find it refreshing. A random grump should not put doubts in your mind, my guess is that they probably respect it but because of their culture, they probably feel it should be done discreetly with a blanket over your breast. I understand you feel you have nothing to hide. This is just my observation about the culture after living there for several years. It doesn’t really make sense when you see breasts all over the place and look at the way ladies dress. It would seem nothing could make them uncomfortable. Maybe it is more uncomfortable for me to see your breast because you are also a gringa, which in itself is something special and desirable, lol. I’m sure if you were the typical small-town indigenous Tica doing the same, she would probably go largely unnoticed.
Sarah,
Thanks for your comments about public nursing. Some parts of what you said are helpful to me.
On the other hand, I sometimes get the feeling from your comments that you don’t have much respect for the culture of Costa Rica. Calling CR “sex-obsessed” and talking with seeming condescension about how the “ladies dress” seems less than respectful, for one thing. I would also challenge the validity of “sex-obsessed”. I always say, before you criticize another culture, first look to your own. While the U.S. is puritanical in one sense (about the bodily function of breastfeeding), it is also sex-obsessed, IMO, to a greater degree than Costa Rica. There are cultural differences in the *way* in which sexuality is expressed, but not in degree, IMO. In the US, in NYC, there was a huge billboard just in the past week or so that depicted group sex between a woman and multiple men. Not sex-obsessed? I think not. Just visit a US children’s clothing store and you will likely note the girl’s clothes that look like they belong on a prostitute. It seems a little biased to be criticizing the sexuality of Costa Ricans without painting a full picture of who you are comparing them to.
On Dos Pinos milk: I just wanted to point out to my readers that the national brand of milk does come in both ultra-pasteurized boxed versions and in regular refrigerated gallons or half-gallons (which taste fine), just like in the US. While I don’t like the taste of ultra-pasteurized milk, this type of milk may be valuable for family in CR that live either with no electricity, or who have unreliable electricity. I’d rather see a baby drink fresh ultra-pasteurized milk than a bacteria-laden substitute. I’d like to see babies nursed for the full 2 years or more that the WHO recommends, but if a family chooses to wean earlier, at least there is a safe option for nutritious drinks, in the form of ultra-pasteurized cow’s milk, for the 1-2 year old (or older kids) in the event of no electricity. Considering I had a whole half-gallon of milk go bad in my fridge the other day, after having a 4-hour blackout, I can well understand the value of “that heinous” boxed milk.
I also don’t really like how talk about how gringas are “special and desirable”. While it may be true that *some* Costa Rican men might find a gringa’s breast exciting, it feels disrespectful to assume that the vast majority of Costa Rican men are just waiting for a glimpse of gringa breast. I think we should probably be respectful enough to men not to assume they are just out for sexual kicks all the time. I actually have not had any CR men leer at my breasts in this country as of yet. In the US, I’ve been cat-called more times than I can count on my fingers and toes.
I just want to make sure that my blog isn’t painting a biased picture of any culture or gender group. Every culture has it pros and cons. That is true here in Costa Rica, just as it is true in the US and everywhere else.
One more thing – on the one hand, we must be careful not to romanticize other cultures, but on the other hand, we must not criticize when only looking through the lens of our own culture.
I am also currently living, and nursing, in a country other than my home country and can identify with many of the struggles you speak of, especially the lacking language skills.
For the past two years I have lived in Japan and for the past four months I have been nursing. Perhaps what is the most difficult for me is that I already feel so conspicuous since I am a fair-skinned, blue–eyed woman living in a relatively homogeneous Asian nation. Nursing in public makes me feel even more conspicuous.
Japan is pretty friendly for breastfeeding moms, there are nursing rooms specially set up in most malls, museums, department stores, etc. But, for places wear those spaces aren’t available, I just do my thing. I’m still not sure if it is proper, but I have had to let it go. My son needs to eat and I need to not be stuck in the house.
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