The other day I was painting (the walls) and listening to Dar Williams’ song, When I Was A Boy when I thought of myself at about the age in the picture at left. So I got out some really old photo albums and scanned this picture. It is me at one of the happiest times in my life. I frequently think back to this time with utter joy because it was a time when I had the most freedom. I was totally unconcerned with what other people thought I should look or act like (well, except my mother, but that is another story), unconcerned with impressing boys, unconcerned with the worries of sexuality. I played with the boys and girls in pretty much an equal manner. I loved to run a million miles per hour (no trouble with bouncing boobs back then).  I had dirt on my knees, and scrapes on my elbows.  In many ways, I really identified with the boy mentality, saw myself as one of the boys.  Whenever I hang out with girls in this age range, I think of that lovely me, so unhindered.

All of a sudden, maybe around age 10 or 11, puberty hit, and I was never the same.  So many worries.  So much stress.

It is only recently, maybe in the last 5 years, that I’ve gotten back some of that boy inside me.  Actually, it more like I’ve managed to integrate the boy with the girl.  It’s like the girl and boy were enemies for years, pulling each other in different directions and making each other miserable.  But now they are friends.  I think I’ve finally managed to appreciate both for what they are, and maybe see how both can make a happy me.

Can the way I am choosing to raise my children save them from this integration process?  Will they identify less with the labels, and just have the integrated me all the way through?  I hope so.

When were you a boy?  Tell me.

I get the feeling we’ll never document our whole Costa Rican trip here, but I’m pretty happy with the memories and feelings that are still so vivid in my mind. We do have a lot of pictures I’d like to share, so here are a selection of all the neat creatures we saw on the Caribbean coast.

Missing are the two fishes I saw in the ocean (a needlefish and some sort of a light blue grouper), lots of humingbirds and two awesome brown pelicans that we saw at Punta Uva, quite possibly the most stunning beach I’ve ever been to. It totally sucked that I forgot the camera that day. Just imagine a perfect crescent beach with mild waves that were perfect for the kiddies. It was beyond perfect. We found some nice seashells too and the coup de grace – nude women on the beach. WOOT.

This is a golden orb spider that hung out in the tree in front of the crab house. It had a friend at the cabin next door that was actually twice as big. I think I have some video of it repairing its web after a rainstorm. The web is big, about 2×2 feet.

I’m guessing this was one of the loudest howlers, judging by the size of his kahunies.

The crab house also featured crabs outside, all of whom hid in their holes the second they heard footsteps. Poor J kept wanting to get a look at them and they kept hiding!

Interesting bug, no?

I doctored this pic to show all the howlers hanging out in the tree. They did this quite frequently at the crab house, and it’s one of the things I miss the most.

I’m glad this one didn’t throw poop at me.

This was our third sloth within 5 days. Truly a sight to see – especially all the bugs living in the fur.

I like beetles a lot more than I ever thought I would. I was disappointed I didn’t get to see one the giant 5″ ones.

This is a beautiful grasshopper, about 3-4″ long.

The day we left Cahuita we had the joy of the closest encounters with the howlers. The troop was travelling through smaller trees, and at times they were only 10 feet away. I’d be happy to live around monkeys.

A picture I took of a Clementine peel a few weeks back.